previously on THE BOUT TO KNOCK THE OTHER GUY OUT MAYORAL ELECTIONS
(CARLOS, BNP) multiculturalism had created a division, a prime example is 2011's riots
(BORIS, TORRIE) YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR! STOP FUCKING LYING!
(KEN, LABOUR) Boris avoids income tax too via private income tax company's
(THE GUY) David is a fuck turd and his wife is a Eton VILLAGE bike
(Dennis Hopper) man holds a cop hostage, with enough dynamite strapped to his chest, to blow a building in half, now WHAT DO YOU DO, JACK
(Paddick, Lib Dem) oh, come on jenny, I'm new, it's my turn!
(Jenny) shut up, pad'dick', more like pad'locked' closet
(BBC News Guy) will the association of conservative MP's and News Corporation affect the conservatives chances?
(Boris) dunno
(Paddick) we deserve more then the 'Punch and Judy' politics that has let our city down for so long, we need change! now if you excuse me, Gilmore girls is about to start!
(Reverend Robert West, BNP Supporter) we need strong leadership to protect our national identity from the
threat of Islam
(Patrick Heneghan, Labour Supporter) Ken will resign if he doesn't keep his promise to freeze fares below inflation for 2013
(The Guy) Boris is only 3% in front of Ken, this is a close one
LIVINGSTONE - JOHNSON - PADDICK - JONES
IN
WITH HIGH OCTANE RESULTS AND EXPLOSIVE STATS
(Actually, the results and stats are as boring as watching your nan sleep)
4 MAY 2012, 4:53PM
It was a regular British day, moody weather, people swearing at each other, the smell of the local Gregg's sent shivers down ones spine. i was holding a cup of coffee, eating a doughnut while watching a theatrical attempt to explain the elections by the BBC news team, that plonker must of felt like Morpheus standing on that glass green screen floor, pointing at the voting county's with the balls of his feet, yeah real cool but i was still wondering who was going to win, will it be a usual political party win or a independent win? (fat chance) will it be the Under - Evolved Boris or The Highly-Tearful Ken.
10:32 PM
The race was over, results were in, voting now will not be counted but may still be charged,
The winner of the Mayoral Elections 2012 is............(a Ant and Dec BGT pause)................................... Boris Johnson? Yay? (sarcasim)
we now come back to
Today, May 10th, 2012
were he has had first week into his second term, offering yet another chance to publicly display he unique mayoral ways via Ungracefully Jumping On a Bike,
 |
| Mark Ronson ft Boris Johnson - The Bike Song |
Yawning In Parliament like a Horny Chimpanzee,
 |
| no i'm not yawing, i am just doing my own version of 'The Scream' |
Embarrassingly waving the flag for London at the Beijing games 2008,
 |
| don't just sit there, help me! |
doing his increadible hulk impersonations,
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| I throw thing, at you if you make me angry |
or ramming on about new bullshit way's to spunk cash on transport models when he should be thinking about travel routes and how will people and torists integrate when getting around during the billion pound (out of your pocket) London 2012 games with a logo that looks like it's been designed by a blind guy with muscular dystrophy, but there are four good things about bulldog boris winning.
- David Cameron's public apology to his party for the humiliating loss of seats
- if the Mayan Calender is correct, Boris won't fill a whole second term
- The Lib Dem's Disastrous Annihilation
- also i get to say all kinds of things in my blog about the butt-cheeks that now run our city, venting my rage of the 77 minutes i wasted voting that i won't get back nor will i even get a thank you
PARTY REPRESENTATION
Barnet and Camden: Andrew Hartley Dismore, Labour Party Candidate
Bexley and Bromley: James Spencer Cleverly, The Conservative Party Candidate
Brent and Harrow: Navin Shah, Labour Party Candidate
City and East: John Robert Biggs, Labour Party Candidate
Croydon and Sutton: Stephen John O'Connell, The Conservative Party Candidate
Ealing and Hillingdon: Onkar Singh Sahota, Labour Party Candidate
Enfield and Haringey: Joanne McCartney, Labour Party Candidate
Greenwich and Lewisham: Len Duvall, Labour Party Candidate
Havering and Redbridge: Roger Evans, The Conservative Party Candidate
Lambeth and Southwark: Val Shawcross, Labour Party Candidate
Merton and Wandsworth: Richard Patrick Tracey, The Conservative Party Candidate
North East: Jennette Arnold, Labour Party Candidate
South West: Tony Arbour, The Conservative Party Candidate
West Central: Kit Malthouse, The Conservative Party Candidate
Mayoral Election Stats
Siobhan Benita - Inderpendent - First Choice Votes 83914 - Second Choice Votes 212412
Carlos (Twat) Cortiglia - BNP - First Choice 28751 - Second Choice 73353
i bet those voters hate colored folk
Bull Dog Boris Johnson - Torries - First Choice 971931 - Second Choice 253709
Ken Livingstone - Labour - First Choice 889918 - Second Choice 335398
Jenny Jones - Green Party - First Choice 98913 - Second Choice 363193
Brian Paddick - Lib Dem - First Choice 91774 - Second Choice 363692
Lawrence Webb (Ger?) - UKIP - First Choice 43274 - Second Choice 161252
okay that's the boring stats done, now time to delve further into the highlights of this election
well for one,besides Boris going on and on about how he'll change london for the better and how britan's future is bright under his guidence (he must think we have the word 'CUNT' written across our heads) Ken Livingstone announced his retirement after the election, some people are claiming he's just a bad sport, but i believe he would of resigned anyway even if he won, he's an old guy now, an old guy who saved your children from poisonous diesel fumes by introducing the congestion charge, cut him some slack people. also did anyone else know Brain Paddick likes Dick? no i'm not a homophobe it's just a pun!
 |
| MAN-LOVE with paddick (right) and husband Petter (left) |
apparently he's been gay for a while, i just googled it 7 days ago and i saw results dating to september 15 2008, i had no idea who he was till four weeks ago.
he stated his marriage on live television during the speeches by mayoral elects after boris was crowed queen
so he would rather this....
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| Turn on, mr paddick (Mark Wright) |
instead of this?
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| Turn Off Mr Paddick (Beyonce) |
whatever float's your boat dude moving on, is it just me or is this election full of innuendo, from paddick to sex shops, yeah you heard me sex shops, Jenny Jones of the green party was spotted outside of nortorious
sex shop Madison Kiss Kiss in soho, something your not telling us Miss Jones
 |
| The Devil In Miss Jones, Leaving the scene (above) |
so that's is that, Boris Johnson is Mayor once more, (go ahead throw you vote's away, your loss jackasses!)
Ken Livingstone has retired from the labour party, the BNP are 100% pure racist and fascist, Jenny Jones has a unclean side of herself that she doesn't want to be known, Brain Paddick is gay, Boris has a very angry side and the other two mayor elects are not important or interesting enough to be included on this blog and with a name like Lawrence Webb, you can't blame me!
Voting can be a interesting little thing, can't it!
NEXT TIME ON THE GUY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVNG POLITICS
We will look at the US President elections and the Cinderella story battle between OBAMA AND ROMNEY also we will look at the incoming end to this fuck-up of a collistion when the prime-minster elections take place
all of that coming soon on THE GUY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING POLITICS
see ya
The Guy
SPEED (C) 1994 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corparation
Remastered Edition on DVD and Blu Ray now
(c) 2011 Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
special thanks to : The Independent / Daily Mail / This Is London.com / London Elects.com
Sony BMG Music / Columbia Music / Lime Pictures / BBC / Warner Bros Pictures
(c) 2012 The Guy
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