THE GUY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING POLITICS

may contain very strong language, offencive terms and crude humour


previously on THE BOUT TO KNOCK THE OTHER GUY OUT MAYORAL ELECTIONS

(CARLOS, BNP) multiculturalism had created a division, a prime example is 2011's riots

(BORIS, TORRIE) YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR! STOP FUCKING LYING! 

(KEN, LABOUR) Boris avoids income tax too via private income tax company's

(THE GUY) David is a fuck turd and his wife is a Eton VILLAGE bike
(Dennis Hopper) man holds a cop hostage, with enough dynamite strapped to his chest, to blow a building in half, now WHAT DO YOU DO, JACK
(Paddick, Lib Dem) oh, come on jenny, I'm new, it's my turn!
(Jenny) shut up, pad'dick', more like pad'locked' closet
(BBC News Guy) will the association of conservative MP's and News Corporation affect the conservatives chances?
(Boris) dunno
(Paddick) we deserve more then the 'Punch and Judy' politics that has let our city down for so long, we need change! now if you excuse me, Gilmore girls is about to start!
(Reverend Robert West, BNP Supporter) we need strong leadership to protect our national identity from the 

threat of Islam

(Patrick Heneghan, Labour Supporter) Ken will resign if he doesn't keep his promise to freeze fares below inflation for 2013
(The Guy) Boris is only 3% in front of Ken, this is a close one

                                      LIVINGSTONE - JOHNSON - PADDICK - JONES 
                                                                              IN

   WITH HIGH OCTANE RESULTS AND EXPLOSIVE STATS

   (Actually, the results and stats are as boring as watching your nan sleep)

7 DAYS AGO
4 MAY 2012, 4:53PM


It was a regular British day, moody weather, people swearing at each other, the smell of the local Gregg's sent shivers down ones spine. i was holding a cup of coffee, eating a doughnut while watching a theatrical attempt to explain the elections by the BBC news team, that plonker must of felt like Morpheus standing on that glass green screen floor, pointing at the voting county's with the balls of his feet, yeah real cool but i was still wondering who was going to win, will it be a usual political party win or a independent win? (fat chance) will it be the Under - Evolved Boris or The Highly-Tearful Ken.

10:32 PM
The race was over, results were in, voting now will not be counted but may still be charged,
The winner of the Mayoral Elections 2012 is............(a Ant and Dec BGT pause)................................... Boris Johnson? Yay? (sarcasim)

we now come back to 

Today, May 10th, 2012 

were he has had first week into his second term, offering yet another chance to publicly display he unique mayoral ways via Ungracefully Jumping On a Bike,

Mark Ronson ft Boris Johnson - The Bike Song 

Yawning In Parliament like a Horny Chimpanzee,

no i'm not yawing, i am just doing my own version of 'The Scream'

Embarrassingly waving the flag for London at the Beijing games 2008,

don't just sit there, help me!

doing his increadible hulk impersonations,

I throw thing, at you if you make me angry

or ramming on about new bullshit way's to spunk cash on transport models when he should be thinking about travel routes and how will people and torists integrate when getting around during the billion pound (out of your pocket) London 2012 games with a logo that looks like it's been designed by a blind guy with muscular dystrophy, but there are four good things about bulldog boris winning.

• David Cameron's public apology to his party for the humiliating loss of seats
• if the Mayan Calender is correct, Boris won't fill a whole second term
• The Lib Dem's Disastrous Annihilation
• also i get to say all kinds of things in my blog about the butt-cheeks that now run our city, venting my rage of the 77 minutes i wasted voting that i won't get back nor will i even get a thank you 

                                                                                                               

 Mayor of London

 Boris Johnson 

(Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson)

Conservative Party

PARTY REPRESENTATION 

                                  

LONDON ASSEMBLY

Barnet and Camden:            Andrew Hartley Dismore, Labour Party Candidate

Bexley and Bromley:            James Spencer Cleverly, The Conservative Party Candidate

Brent and Harrow:               Navin Shah, Labour Party Candidate

City and East:                     John Robert Biggs, Labour Party Candidate

Croydon and Sutton:            Stephen John O'Connell, The Conservative Party Candidate

Ealing and Hillingdon:            Onkar Singh Sahota, Labour Party Candidate

Enfield and Haringey:            Joanne McCartney, Labour Party Candidate

Greenwich and Lewisham:     Len Duvall, Labour Party Candidate

Havering and Redbridge:     Roger Evans, The Conservative Party Candidate

Lambeth and Southwark:     Val Shawcross, Labour Party Candidate

Merton and Wandsworth:     Richard Patrick Tracey, The Conservative Party Candidate

North East:                     Jennette Arnold, Labour Party Candidate

South West:                     Tony Arbour, The Conservative Party Candidate

West Central:                     Kit Malthouse, The Conservative Party Candidate

Mayoral Election Stats

Siobhan Benita - Inderpendent - First Choice Votes  83914 - Second Choice Votes 212412

Carlos (Twat) Cortiglia - BNP - First Choice 28751 - Second Choice 73353

i bet those voters hate colored folk

Bull Dog Boris Johnson - Torries - First Choice 971931 - Second Choice 253709

Ken Livingstone - Labour - First Choice 889918 - Second Choice 335398

Jenny Jones - Green Party - First Choice 98913 - Second Choice 363193

Brian Paddick - Lib Dem - First Choice 91774 - Second Choice 363692

Lawrence Webb (Ger?) - UKIP - First Choice 43274 - Second Choice 161252

okay that's the boring stats done, now time to delve further into the highlights of this election

well for one,besides Boris going on and on about how he'll change london for the better and how britan's future is bright under his guidence (he must think we have the word 'CUNT' written across our heads) Ken Livingstone announced his retirement after the election, some people are claiming he's just a bad sport, but i believe he would of resigned anyway even if he won, he's an old guy now, an old guy who saved your children from poisonous diesel fumes by introducing the congestion charge, cut him some slack people. also did anyone else know Brain Paddick likes Dick? no i'm not a homophobe it's just a pun!

MAN-LOVE with paddick (right) and husband Petter (left)

apparently he's been gay for a while, i just googled it 7 days ago and i saw results dating to september 15 2008, i had no idea who he was till four weeks ago.

he stated his marriage on live television during the speeches by mayoral elects after boris was crowed queen

so he would rather this....

Turn on, mr paddick (Mark Wright)

                                 

                                                                        instead of this?

Turn Off Mr Paddick (Beyonce)

           

whatever float's your boat dude moving on, is it just me or is this election full of innuendo, from paddick to sex shops, yeah you heard me sex shops, Jenny Jones of the green party was spotted outside of nortorious     

sex shop Madison Kiss Kiss in soho, something your not telling us Miss Jones

The Devil In Miss Jones, Leaving the scene (above)

                                                          

so that's is that, Boris Johnson is Mayor once more, (go ahead throw you vote's away, your loss jackasses!)

Ken Livingstone has retired from the labour party, the BNP are 100% pure racist and fascist, Jenny Jones has a unclean side of herself that she doesn't want to be known, Brain Paddick is gay, Boris has a very angry side and the other two mayor elects are not important or interesting enough to be included on this blog and with a name like Lawrence Webb, you can't blame me! 

Voting can be a interesting little thing, can't it! 

NEXT TIME ON THE GUY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVNG POLITICS

We will look at the US President elections and the Cinderella story battle between OBAMA AND ROMNEY also we will look at the incoming end to this fuck-up of a collistion when the prime-minster elections take place

all of that coming soon on THE GUY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING POLITICS

see ya

The Guy

SPEED (C) 1994 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corparation

Remastered Edition on DVD and Blu Ray now

(c) 2011 Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment

special thanks to : The Independent / Daily Mail / This Is London.com / London Elects.com

Sony BMG Music / Columbia Music / Lime Pictures / BBC / Warner Bros Pictures

(c) 2012 The Guy

The Guy's Guide to Surviving Politics

this may contain strong language and possible offensive factual terms

Greetings Travelers
The Guy is here, angry as hell and twice as ugly, I've been on holiday and i plan to retreat soon, i just needed something to get off my massively sexy chest (lies).

Now cussing David Cameron and his bitch Nick Clegg is the 'IT' thing since those bell-ends came (no pun)
into power in 2010, don't get me wrong, nothing makes me smile more then saying ' David is a fuckturd and his wife is a eton bike' that and fat people falling over

I HAVE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP

BUT! it can get repetitive and boring when people just say thing without the facts, just like all those people who back in 2009 when the volcanic ash was settling on baby's lungs, some people thorght it was more of a trending social exprerance or a consperacy, oh, i'm stuck i can't make it to the barbecue because that DARN volcanic ash, bullshit at least 40% of that was complete left overs from the colons of anal tards (get it, anal, colon, tards, childish yes!) those guys were just lazy and wanted to tweet something that was trending, still, i don't want my blog to be full negative remarks about the default arranged marriage that is 'Clegameron' forgetting the main reason why people are ranting and raving about the laurel and hardy duo, and then update my facebook page saying: David Cameron is not fit for number 10 because he's a stupid and then go to bed feeling like 'MR SEX' while people read my update and say yeah, it's so true LOL :-)

SO HOW'S BOUT NEGATIVE REMARKS TIMES TEN ABOUT ALL POLITICIANS
MY NEW SECTION IS THE GUY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING POLTICS

THE RAIN COMES FROM THE SKY:
says Boris (above) with Ulrika Jonsson

and this time i am focusing on the 2012 mayoral elections

There has been blood, sweat and tears (dry eyes ken) this 2012 mayoral elections proberly because whoever wins will be fronting the city during the Olympics in july or because boris

really, really wants to continue playing with his scalectric track aka the streets of london and now ken wants his turn,

first things first, i am a labour man, so i will try not to be quintessentially biast in what i say

Second, Boris is a Torrie, making him the lilac to a wannabe tyrant 

and third, i would make it my top priority that the London mayor and police commissioner come together so criminals don't stand a chance says the porcelain egg / mad men wannabe Brian Paddick, the lib dem who's promises change in policy even though it the same policies that Lib Dem Cleggy-boy set up

NICK GRIFFIN JUST BENT DOWN (a horrified paddick and clegg, above)

and finally fourth, there is much i need to say about the BNP beacuse thanks to a reavilling documentary on Channel Four last march by Keith Allen (thanks, dude) there isn't much to say except for this :

an extract from the London Elect magazine that was sent out around two weeks ago to everyone in London

Dear Londoner (good start?)

i've lived in the uk since 1989 (ok) i have worked with the bbc and commonwealth office (that's cool)
i am of italian decent, i guess makes me the most cosmopolitan candidate standing for london mayor in 2012 (.....o..k) i was outraged to find some immigrant communities (okay, watch it now) refusing to respect British people and there way of life so i joined the bnp because i want to preserve the traditions, freedoms and identity of the country that has been so good to me and my family (preserve the traditions? identity? bit dodgy, considering that he's technically a immigrant to this country) London is a diverse city and although there are some benefits (here come the bomb) Multiculturalism has clearly led to division and confrontation instead of integration. the shocking looting and rioting last august is a prime example for the failed policy (WHOA! that's a classic BNP Line, blame the Blacks, Muslims, Asians, Turks) 

London needs a strong mayor, who is (you guessed it) Fair...(the word has lost all meaning) and decisive with the vision to make the great city of ours dynamic and safe and prosperous I AM THAT MAN! (bullshit) Vote for me and together we will make london a city to be proud of again (by kicking out the colored folk hu?)

Carlos Cortiglia, BNP Mayoral Candidate, Italian Clone Of Nick Griffin

To this Racist, pasta eating plonker (i can be racist too) multiculturalism was the key issue of 2011's Riots and not the shooting of Mark Duggen by police (non immigrant) or the fact that some people chanced the situation to grab a i-phone including non immigrant folk, no! it's was the colored dudes

Sponsored By Dolmio Sauces, when's your dolmio day (Carlos, above)

anyway back on point!
there has been severe compertion between boris and ken, appearing on ITV Debate shows, question time and other various news show but the most intence one would have to be on LBC RADIO when ken wound boris up the boiling point of F-Bombs by when a caller phoned in a radio debate between the four elects, talking about Ken has found a legit way of income tax avodance, ken stated that boris also avoids tax by paying a privite company leaving boris red-faced and wanting to punch a hole in the wall,

he's making me angry, he's not gonna like me when i'm angry

later on as the four and chief of LBC radio headed to a elevator to go to a photoshoot on the roof, boris said : YOU FUCKING LIAR, STOP FUCKING LYING, nose to nose, any closer and they would become one

Add caption

Paddick and Jones were said to of been back into a corner during the confrontation
then follows the highly uncomfortable photos that followed:

Before Radio Debate (above)

After Radio Debate (above and below and far below)

Blowing off some steam (Boris doing a Forrest Gump with anger)

IT REALLY DOES SHOW HOW MUCH THEY HATE EACH OTHER

don't let this affect you when you vote, actually, do let it affect you, i wanted to show you the children of our monarchy who some how gain power (of sorts)

it's now may 3rd and these are the smucks we have to vote for

Happy Voting!

SEE YA!
The Guy

VOTE 2012 on BBC
The Daily Politics 11:30am or 12 noon  BBC TWO
Vote 2012 11:30pm on BBC ONE AND BBC NEWS 24

TO BE CONTINUED......