The Music Guy

This song summed up my 2011, full of unorthodox situations! luv it

The Guy's Telly Highlights

I was sat in front of my TV today eating cold chill con carnie, drinking tea in my pj's watching the latest import from the USA,

Homeland (2011)
starring Clare Danes & Damian Lewis

Intimidating Much? Lewis and Danes (above)

From episode one, i was hooked, even continuing the showtime channels tradition of constant sex, f-words and violence (see Dexter and Calafornacation) it's still manages to be well scripted and gripping in each episode, earning the show 2 well deserved Golden Globes

the intriguing and suspenseful story, in a nutshell is centered around Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brody (played by Brit Damian Lewis), who returns home eight years after going missing in Iraq and Carrie Mathison (played by Clare Danes), a driven (and possibly unstable) CIA officer who suspects he might be plotting an attack on America.

Absolutely brilliant stuff from the US, a original story line (not like CBS's version of Sherlock that's coming) and a handful of believable actors and actress, makes this a great, entertaining bit of telly, just don't watch it with your grandma. (advice: set the sky+ box or kick her out) 

Homeland

9:00pm Sunday's On Channel Four and on 4od

Repeated on Monday at around 11:10pm

(c) 2012 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corp and Showtime Entertainment

The Guy's Tales of Crime and Punishment

Okay, so here i am again, with a head full of ideas, a delightful persona and photo editing software, i think it's time to start a new section of my slightly offencive blog, (according to a certain person on twitter, DR. JON) my new section involves the seedy and dangerous side of life aka Crime! while the police attempt to clean up the streets (as much as they can to give a good impression at the 2012 Olympic games) there's always some other Muppet trying to break the barriers of crime and end up with nothing more then a epic fail! this section is a colourful showcase of some of the ludicrous tales from both end, IT'S COPS VS ROBBERS, AND IT ISN'T GONNA BE PRETTY! i call this section : THE GUY'S TALES OF CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

CONTAINS ACTION VIOLENCE AND NUDITY

(DISCLAIMER : IT DOES NOT CONTAINS ACTION VIOLENCE (MAYBE?) OR NUDITY (MAYBE?) BUT IT DOES HAVE STRONG LANGUAGE)


Okay our first story takes us to a wonderful land of make believe and a place where dreams can really come true. Peckham, South London

where a 23 year old man named Andrew Burls, was charged with arson and sentenced to 8 years imprisonment for burning down a Lingerie boutique in Rye Lane (cops love there bra's) which spreaded to Gregg's bakery (bite your tongue, Britain) and a post office in the same street, during riots that spread across the capital last year

feeling, hot, hot, hot!

costing 1 million pounds in damages and leaving six people homeless, sounds pretty fucked up right, what could possibly be funny there you must be thinking? well...
Q : How did the cops catch him? A: through CCTV footage
Q : and how did they get just cause that it was Andrew?
A : well.. look into his eyes!

Now that's what i mean by a botched eye surgery

This cabbage may have covered his face with a bandanna, but his distinctive dead eye condition gave him away,

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

Originally denying the offence, he was jailed for a total of eight years at Inner London Crown Court after pleading guilty on January 30 to two counts of arson being reckless as to whether life was endangered, and one of burglary with intent to steal at Iceland in Rye Lane (an Iceland, you know? not even the god damn Co-Op, he chose a Iceland), a court official confirmed.

Burls’ attack began at the Iceland at around 6.30pm, moving on to the Post Office and Regen’s,.

The supervisor and staff were in the shop and locked themselves in a back office, where they watched on CCTV the masked twit throwing bricks at the building. The manager estimated losses of £1,400.

Burls then stopped to take a breather, (didn't he see that film Enemy of the State) outside Maestro Records Shop, where he was identified  sitting on a vehicle bonnet in Rye Lane.

Then he is seen in Money Shop at around 6.55pm, leaving seven minutes later for the Post Office.

Footage from there show the door had been forced open and Burls returning with burning material, which he used to start a fire on the floor which he feeds with leaflets and other papers (well, at least he's not wasteful)
Acting manager Isobel Martin said there was £55,000 of damage.

Next door, Gregg's, which suffered £400,000 damage was ‘engulfed in fire’ (like i said before, Dry eye's Britain) which spread from Regen’s.

Tom Forster, prosecuting, told Judge Roger Chapple at Inner London Crown Court: ‘What's important about that image is that his eyes appear distinctive in that they appear to look in different directions (no shit, Sherlock)

‘If My Lord was to compare that with a photograph of Mr Burls himself when he was arrested, My Lord can see the distinctive eyes, and the direction in which they point in the photograph’ (which way were they point at, left or right)

Judge Chapple told the defendant, who was wearing two plastic crucifixes (god ain't gonna help) over a grey sweatshirt: ‘When you add fire to an already appalling situation you add a while new and altogether terrifying dimension (yeah, i know, what do you think he's really looking at)

(Source : Dailymail.co.uk)

well, i hope he knows some kind of karate because we don't want a Shawshank Redemption moment to happen! plus if he does try to fight, he'll either look funny or look like he has Torrets

the next story will be on the Gary Busey section of my blog : The Guy's Stories of the Strange and Wacky and it will be a short about a burglar and a little Chinese kid

till then, stay safe and don't steal (like that's going to stop you)

See Ya!

The Guy!

"The Avengers" movie hits theaters on May 4, 2012.

The Avengers continues the epic big-screen adventures started in "Iron Man," "The Incredible Hulk," "Iron Man 2," "Thor" and "Captain America: The First Avenger". Starring Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner and Samuel L. Jackson, and directed by Joss Whedon, "Marvel's The Avengers" is based on the popular Marvel comic book series first published in 1963

Looks good right! even though Edward Norton isn't here and Jeremy Renner. what is the connection?

The Guy's Stories Of The Strange & Wacky

Hello Men, Women, Children, Baby's, Pensioners, Grandparents, Cousins, Nieces, Nephews, Step Brothers, Step Sisters, Wife's, Ugly People, Sexy People, Fat People, Skinny People, People Going to School, People At Home, People on their way to work and find a spare moment to look at my blog on their i-pad or blackberry type persons
(if i left anyone out, please say so) hello to everybody!

My name is the Guy and from this moment forth, people may only know me as The Guy (only when their on blogger that is... maybe twitter)  i will be posting irreverent, sarcastic, disrespectful, cynical, cavilling, querulous, flippant, impious thoughts as well as factual posts and comical posts as well as a banging play list of tunes (that shakes a stick to Harry Styles's I-Pod) (Disclaimer : i am not a spokesman for apple, seeing as i mention them twice within the last few sentences, i just love them like my sisters love that fella.....E.T)  and a selection of movie reviews and tech fulled stuff (I'm a nerd like that) all round up into a neat little package of HTML and images!

so I'll be kicking off with a Arabic guy on a treadmill and my fave part of my blog now and in the future... (Word of Warning - It Does Contains Some Strong Language)

Lethal Weapon 5 - Dentist Time For Mr. Joshua

That's right THE GUY'S STORIES OF THE STRANGE AND WACKY (sponsored by actor Gary Busey's Face) and my First story is a grim, Tongue in cheek but ironical tale i call : DR. JON'S DEVIL FOOD

THE BURGER HAS IT'S OWN GRAVITATIONAL PULL 

Once upon a time, in ARIZONA, USA,the small people ran free, cow's were happy to only let the ill cow get slaughtered for there precious meats... for cheeseburgers

What are yooooo looking at!

they didn't even mind when we used their highly valued meats and liquids for adverts

WHY SO SERIOUS, oh, i forgot to clean my face!

they didn't mind when we to advantage of there udders

I Shouldn't do this on the First Date!

and drank all their milk and even turned it into different flavours.

Cows were even allowed to dance provocatively in front of other cows... if you remember 2011's laughing cow ad's

My Earrings are 75% Recyclable, the other 15% is spunk ha ha!

Everyone was happy! The End or is it, IT'S NOT!! HAHAHAHA!

okay, a man of such pure evil know only as DR. JON

5 time winner of the Austin Powers/Dr Evil Lookalike contest

He believed that people should deserve more from the average cow.
Bigger, Bolder and Fatter burgers should be put into place, add a handful off sexy waitresses and a unlimited supply of home brew lard and fat, unhealthy Americans coinciding with the everyday American

Joe Schlub

and HEY PRESTO! you got yourself Showgirls vs Super Size Me - The Movie! but in this case he got a restaurant. so in the year 2005 he came with the hearty, death trap know as THE HEART ATTACK GRILL

WARNING - THE REST OF THE POST CONTAINS SCENES OF FOOD, AMBULANCES  AND GIRLS WEARING NEXT TO NOTHING HOLDING CHEESEBURGERS AND COFFINS. PEOPLE WITH EASILY SET OF HEART DEFECTS OR IF YOUR A PRIEST. TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER NOW, HAVE A BATH WHILE DRINKING VODKA AT 2:30AM EXACTLY. WHEN FINISH GO FOR A WALK, GRAB A DOUGHNUT AND THEN RETREAT

my chest hurts already

Dr. Jon declared the intent of serving "nutritional pornography" food so bad for you it's shocking" The idea came when writing a marketing thesis about fitness training studios (talk about turncoat)

if you eat your weight in meat, it's free, Katie Price took that as gospel

THE PEOPLE OF ARIZONA WERE HORRIFIED
when there was
5x more cardiac arrests
7x more obesity (it is Arizona were talking about here)
and 22x more fist fights over the last burgers

The people and all gym's in the area were devastated but one day, Out of the blue there was a glimmer of hope and light that shun through the state of Arizona aka DR. JON'S EGO

he then decided to move his grill to a wonderful place built on honest deals, treasured memory's and beautiful morals

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, USA and LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, USA

and that's were we take the story boy's and girls, VEGAS!

After the heavy sighing of Arizona's relief, and carbon dioxide fumes from methane were back down to a minimal, Vegas is going to be the Dr's fall guy now (well. um? Newsflash, Their not to great already)

Home to gambling, forced marriages, half-arsed promises and home to movies like 3000 miles to Graceland and Ocean's Eleven

Dr.Jon opened one of it's biggest branches...

I THINK THAT'S THE BACK DOOR?

 Dr. Jon's wish may have come true!

SPEED 3 - Weight-Watchers

The Fat-Guys!!

Are Those Real?


The Fit Waitress's

Dude, Your Glistening


AND THE SLIGHTLY NASTY, FAT FULLED ORGY OF GREASE AKA THEIR BURGERS 

DR. JON Was living the dream until.... (i have full respect for the man mentioned in the following post but it's very ironic and he knew what he was getting into so i don't feel too bad)

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days.
The weekend comes,
My cycle hums,
Ready to race to you.
OH NO BUT I'M DEAD!

His food claimed a life, Here's the report from CBS News :

A man has suffered a heart attack while eating a "triple bypass burger" at the Las Vegas branch of the restaurant, Fox 5 News reported, nobody is laughing. (ARE YOU SURE?)

At the time, the restaurant offered free eating to people who weigh more than 350 pounds and justified that with a tongue-in-cheek mission statement: "Doctors agree that continually cycling body weight up and down is one of the very worst things a person can do to themselves. That's why our program is focused upon keeping your weight in an extremely stable, gradual, and constant upward slope.

(like i said before TURNCOAT! This Dr. Jon is one dumb motherfucker I DON'T THINK HE'S EVEN A REAL DOCTOR)

Even the restaurant's owner, who jokingly calls himself "Dr. Jon" even though he has no medical training (I KNEW IT!), recognises the danger of overindulging in fatty fare on a regular basis (I Don't Think He Does!) and said at the time, "don't come here every day. If you do, you're going to die.

(DR 'FAKE' JON gave his statement)

"I actually felt horrible for the gentleman because the tourists were taking photos of him as if it were some type of stunt," Basso told Fox News. "Even with our own morbid sense of humour, we would never pull a stunt like that. (WELL, DR. SHIPMAN YOUR DUMB ENOUGH TO KILL THE POOR FUCKER and then it came out, the real reason why they moved,

The original store that opened in Chandler, Arizona. That chain closed down in June of 2011, two months after the death of its 29-year-old 575-pound spokesman

SCANDAL but the best part is - people continue to eat at the Heart Attack Grill, Americans don't seem too bothered about the crazy events that took place? and as long as they can get their fix of burgers, smiles and sexy nurses...

Burgers, CHECK, smiles, CHECK, sexy nurse, CHECKMATE

it looks like Dr. Jon can keep that smug smile a bit longer even though there's blood on his hands!

Nurse Stacie, Twat and Dr. Evil.. OH I mean Dr Jon Basso

Bon Appétit

THE END

so boy's and girls what did we learn today, if you eat burgers... you will die! okay then, that concludes this edition of THE GUY'S STORIES OF THE STRANGE AND WACKY now I'm off to get a Big Mac!

GOODNIGHT!





Special thanks to (C) CBS News, Fox News and Warner Bros/Sycopy Pictures

WHAT BETTER WAY TO START MY NEW BLOG, THEN A ARABIC GUY ON A TREADMILL. SCREAMING!!