The Guy's Tales of Crime and Punishment

Okay, so here i am again, with a head full of ideas, a delightful persona and photo editing software, i think it's time to start a new section of my slightly offencive blog, (according to a certain person on twitter, DR. JON) my new section involves the seedy and dangerous side of life aka Crime! while the police attempt to clean up the streets (as much as they can to give a good impression at the 2012 Olympic games) there's always some other Muppet trying to break the barriers of crime and end up with nothing more then a epic fail! this section is a colourful showcase of some of the ludicrous tales from both end, IT'S COPS VS ROBBERS, AND IT ISN'T GONNA BE PRETTY! i call this section : THE GUY'S TALES OF CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

CONTAINS ACTION VIOLENCE AND NUDITY

(DISCLAIMER : IT DOES NOT CONTAINS ACTION VIOLENCE (MAYBE?) OR NUDITY (MAYBE?) BUT IT DOES HAVE STRONG LANGUAGE)


Okay our first story takes us to a wonderful land of make believe and a place where dreams can really come true. Peckham, South London

where a 23 year old man named Andrew Burls, was charged with arson and sentenced to 8 years imprisonment for burning down a Lingerie boutique in Rye Lane (cops love there bra's) which spreaded to Gregg's bakery (bite your tongue, Britain) and a post office in the same street, during riots that spread across the capital last year

feeling, hot, hot, hot!

costing 1 million pounds in damages and leaving six people homeless, sounds pretty fucked up right, what could possibly be funny there you must be thinking? well...
Q : How did the cops catch him? A: through CCTV footage
Q : and how did they get just cause that it was Andrew?
A : well.. look into his eyes!

Now that's what i mean by a botched eye surgery

This cabbage may have covered his face with a bandanna, but his distinctive dead eye condition gave him away,

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

Originally denying the offence, he was jailed for a total of eight years at Inner London Crown Court after pleading guilty on January 30 to two counts of arson being reckless as to whether life was endangered, and one of burglary with intent to steal at Iceland in Rye Lane (an Iceland, you know? not even the god damn Co-Op, he chose a Iceland), a court official confirmed.

Burls’ attack began at the Iceland at around 6.30pm, moving on to the Post Office and Regen’s,.

The supervisor and staff were in the shop and locked themselves in a back office, where they watched on CCTV the masked twit throwing bricks at the building. The manager estimated losses of £1,400.

Burls then stopped to take a breather, (didn't he see that film Enemy of the State) outside Maestro Records Shop, where he was identified  sitting on a vehicle bonnet in Rye Lane.

Then he is seen in Money Shop at around 6.55pm, leaving seven minutes later for the Post Office.

Footage from there show the door had been forced open and Burls returning with burning material, which he used to start a fire on the floor which he feeds with leaflets and other papers (well, at least he's not wasteful)
Acting manager Isobel Martin said there was £55,000 of damage.

Next door, Gregg's, which suffered £400,000 damage was ‘engulfed in fire’ (like i said before, Dry eye's Britain) which spread from Regen’s.

Tom Forster, prosecuting, told Judge Roger Chapple at Inner London Crown Court: ‘What's important about that image is that his eyes appear distinctive in that they appear to look in different directions (no shit, Sherlock)

‘If My Lord was to compare that with a photograph of Mr Burls himself when he was arrested, My Lord can see the distinctive eyes, and the direction in which they point in the photograph’ (which way were they point at, left or right)

Judge Chapple told the defendant, who was wearing two plastic crucifixes (god ain't gonna help) over a grey sweatshirt: ‘When you add fire to an already appalling situation you add a while new and altogether terrifying dimension (yeah, i know, what do you think he's really looking at)

(Source : Dailymail.co.uk)

well, i hope he knows some kind of karate because we don't want a Shawshank Redemption moment to happen! plus if he does try to fight, he'll either look funny or look like he has Torrets

the next story will be on the Gary Busey section of my blog : The Guy's Stories of the Strange and Wacky and it will be a short about a burglar and a little Chinese kid

till then, stay safe and don't steal (like that's going to stop you)

See Ya!

The Guy!